There is something frustrating about being the person others come to for guidance while quietly wondering whether you are qualified to give it.

You lead the meeting. You answer the questions. You help someone work through a difficult situation. Then, somewhere between closing your laptop and figuring out what is for dinner, your brain starts its own meeting.

Did I handle that correctly? Should I have said something different? Does everyone else know something I don’t?

Apparently, my brain has availability for a follow-up meeting that nobody requested.

That is the kind of self-doubt I want to talk about. The feeling that even when you have experience, put in the work, and have something meaningful to contribute, you might somehow be getting more credit than you deserve.

Imposter syndrome.

Even the name sounds like you have been caught doing something wrong. Meanwhile, you are just trying to do your job, raise your kids, and remember which day requires which uniform.

When “Enough” Keeps Moving

As a mom of two boys and a manager leading a team of 25, I carry responsibility in different directions. People need my attention, my decisions, and sometimes my patience when there is very little left in the tank.

I care about doing those things well. But caring can get tangled up with the expectation that I should always know what to do.

At work, that might mean feeling pressure to have an answer before someone finishes asking the question. At home, it might mean wondering whether another mom would have handled a hard moment better.

There is always someone who appears more confident, more organized, or somehow able to get dinner on the table without treating it like a last-minute group project.

And when I compare my entire day with the small piece I see of theirs, I can make myself feel behind pretty quickly.

The problem is that my definition of “enough” can keep changing. I meet one expectation, then add another. I get through something difficult, then tell myself it should have been easier.

It is hard to feel capable when you keep moving the finish line on yourself.

Giving Myself Credit Without an Explanation

I have been thinking about how easily we explain away the good things.

Someone compliments our work, and we immediately point out who helped. Something goes well, and we call it luck. We solve a problem, and then focus on the part we could have handled better.

Of course other people contribute. Of course timing matters. But acknowledging those things does not require deleting our own effort from the story.

I can appreciate my team and still recognize that I led well. I can be grateful for support and still acknowledge that I worked hard. I can accept a compliment without attaching a paragraph explaining why it might be too generous.

A simple “thank you” is allowed.

I want to get more comfortable with that. Especially because I would never want someone on my team, or either of my boys, to believe their mistakes count more than everything they have done well.

Yet that is a pretty easy standard to apply to myself.

An Honest Look at the Doubt

I also don’t think every uncomfortable feeling needs to be brushed aside with “You’ve got this!” Sometimes I need to prepare more. Sometimes I need feedback. Sometimes there really is something I have not learned yet.

The useful question is: What specifically needs attention?

If I don’t understand something, I can ask. If I handled a conversation poorly, I can revisit it. If I need a skill, I can work on it.

Those are things I can do something about. “Maybe I’m just not good enough” gives me very little to work with.

I want to be honest about where I can grow without turning every opportunity to improve into a judgment about whether I belong.

That applies to motherhood, too. A difficult evening deserves some reflection. It does not need to become a performance review of my entire parenting career.

Nobody has time for that paperwork.

Practicing a Different Response

For me, this starts with slowing down before I accept every doubtful thought as a fact.

What actually happened? What am I assuming? Would I say this to someone I care about?

Then I can look at the whole picture. The experience I have built. The responsibilities I have carried. The things I have learned by getting them wrong and trying again.

I can also practice speaking up before I have rehearsed every possible response. Ask a question without apologizing for it. Say “I don’t know yet” and follow through on finding out.

At home, I can own a mistake, apologize, and give myself room to move forward. My boys need to see how I handle being human, too.

None of this means I will suddenly walk into every room feeling completely confident. Some days I will still second-guess myself. Some days the mental follow-up meeting will run longer than it should.

But I want to spend less energy trying to prove I deserve the life I have worked to build, and more energy actually being present in it.

From mom to meetings to mom, there is plenty I am still learning. I can give myself credit along the way.

With gratitude,
Sonia