Let’s be honest — being a woman is tough.

We spend our lives trying to find meaning, worrying about others, and wondering what others think about us.
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing too much?
What am I not doing?

…the list goes on and on.

I grew up with the mindset that I needed to pursue higher education, find a good job, get married, have kids, and keep striving for more. If you’re a millennial, my guess is you were handed a similar script.

And I followed it.

I earned both an undergraduate and graduate degree. I found a great job. I married the love of my life. I was climbing the ladder and building something I was proud of. Then we decided to have kids and start a family.

It’s a strange thing to loosen your grip on ambition and welcome a tiny human into the world. To take this big, defining part of who you’ve always been and suddenly share space with something even bigger.

Talk about another scary moment.

That was the first time I felt like I had to choose. Be a great mom. Or be a great employee.

You can be both — just not always at the same time. And that’s where the guilt lives.

It’s in wanting to show up fully in both spaces. It’s in knowing that some days work gets the sharper, more focused version of you. And the other days your kids get the softer, more present version.

For me, the guilt isn’t about failing. It’s about wanting to be excellent in every role I carry — and realizing that on any given day, one of them might have to take the lead. That tension? That’s the part we don’t talk about.

Here’s the realization I’ve come to:
Somewhere along the way, we forget to love ourselves.

We forget to give ourselves grace. To offer forgiveness when we need a moment to breathe. To say “no” or “not right now” without rehearsing an apology in our heads. To be honest about what we actually want (and need).

I want to be present at my kids’ events. I want to go on those field trips. I want to be there for those small (but important to them) moments in my kids lives. I want to sit at the soccer games and cheer from the sidelines. And I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

I also want to show up fully for the career I’ve worked hard to build (and continue to build). When there’s an important meeting, I need to be there. When my team needs me, I should be there. I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help when I need it. I shouldn’t feel shame for using before-care or after-care to make it all work. And I shouldn’t carry guilt if I miss a school activity or a game.

We are too hard on ourselves.

We’ve convinced ourselves that every choice has to come with a penalty — that if we give in one place, we’ve failed in another. But giving ourselves permission to pause, to reassess, to choose intentionally — that isn’t selfish.

It’s honest.
It’s mature.
It’s being true to who we are in this season.
It’s loving ourselves.

I am doing enough.
I am enough.
And I am allowed to do both.

It’s still tough, but it’s worth it. I promise.

With gratitude,
Sonia

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” — Lucille Ball